Tag partner support & bipolar disorder | Thrive With Bipolar Disorder

5 Ways to help someone who is manic or rapid cycling

Before we get started, I want to help everyone understand why in my writing I use the terms “we” and “us”. The key reason for doing this is because stigmatization, judgment and the fear people have of people living with bipolar disorder can be very isolating and create a great deal of self-shame and self-fear. I use “we” and us” to remove stigma, judgment and fear in order to create belonging and acceptance. I also use “we” and “us” so it is very clear that I am writing about an experience that I belong to as well.

This blog is in response to someone asking for help to better be able to help her loved one who is struggling with rapid cycling…and I’m broadening this to include both rapid cycling and mania.

#1 Thing you can do to help the one you love is by taking really good care of yourself – emotionally, mentally, physically, your health etc.

It is incredibly hard to help someone who is experiencing mania or rapid cycling. The reason why hospitalization exists, besides being at harm to ourselves and others, is to slow us down. Hospitalization removes whatever supports mania and medically slows us down and forces our bodies and mind to stop running a million miles a minute and rest. Being forced to slow down can feel like death or simply horrible.

The goal of this blog is to help intervene before hospitalization is needed.

This blog is about how to help someone you love slow down and gain some control during mania or mixed episodes without hospitalization. It is not easy.

A gem I have gained from my experience from experiencing mania is how powerful the mind-body connection really is. When my mind and emotions are going a million miles a minute there is no rational way to THINK myself out of this process. However, my body can only go so fast. I learned that if I can slow down my body and gain awareness and control in my body that it has a profound affect on my mind.

What I hope to share are some tools that can be helpful to the ones you love that I have learned from experience and professional education that have been successful in slowing down mania or cycling and building awareness and control.

Help loved ones gain control of their mind through their bodies by:

Shifting our attention to our breath.

When we focus on our breathing it brings our attention away from what is taking place around us and in our minds. Our attention goes directly to expanding and contracting our lungs. Our attention goes to breathing as deeply into our bodies as we can and releasing our breath.

By focusing on our breathing we experience control. Our awareness decides how deeply we breathe. We have the power to control our breath which can either slow down our body or speed it up.

GOAL: Breathe deeply and slow down the breath which will regulate the rest of the body and the mind.

How you can help:

Don’t judge, label or say things like “You’re out of control. You’re manic. You’re crazy etc”

Instead say something like, “I’m feeling scared/sad/down/lost/frustrated etc, will you hold my hand (or sit beside me) and breathe with me?”

Creating a safe place for us to contain ourselves

When we feel out of control in our bodies, a long tight hug really helps. There is something incredibly containing about a hug that is grounding for a person who feels out of control.

The hug not only helps us stand, but it also helps us to emotionally center ourselves. We feel emotionally connected, present and a hug is an act of love.

GOAL: Hug your loved one until they let go, don’t let them go. By hugging them they feel safe, wanted and loved. This containment creates self-control in both their body and mind.

How you can help:

Simply say, “I want to hug you, may I give you a hug?”

With your words

When we are manic or rapid cycling we don’t respond well at all to words, we are not able to be rational…especially when sentences start with the word “You…”.

GOAL: To not make us feel bad about ourselves, when we are manic or rapidly cycling and are out of control…we already feel bad about ourselves.

How you can help:

Make “I” statements. Start your sentences with the word “I”. For example, “I feel scared when…” “It concerns me when…” “It’s problematic for me when…” etc.

Giving us space.

When you can’t express how you are feeling, it is incredibly frustrating when someone keeps asking you “What’s wrong?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Are you okay?” etc.

GOAL: Give us space so we can ride out the emotional rollercoaster.

How you can help:

Help your loved one create a space when they are okay that feels safe to them. This space will be where they go when they experience an emotional rollercoaster.

Forgiveness

Mania, depression and mixed episodes cause us to express ourselves and emotion in ways that are very hurtful. We often feel ashamed of what we do and say. We are often not kind in how we treat the people we love during these times of incredibly emotional rollercoastering. We are so disappointed in ourselves and feel so much pain for how we treat those we love during an episode. Forgiveness is a gift that we need to receive.

GOAL: Help us heal and recover by forgiving us for the pain we cause.

How you can help:

If you remind your loved one that you know that how they are behaving is not who they are…that it is the mania or depression. Let them know that you love them and that the mania or depression is hurting you.

Don’t let bipolar disorder be an excuse for bad behavior. Help your loved one see the difference. Therapy can be very useful to build this awareness.

Ideas for Loving Someone Living With Bipolar Disorder

in Actions / Ideas: Ways to Thrive / Relationships Effected By Bipolar Disorder by Robin Mohilner May 18, 2010 6 comments

Loving someone with bipolar disorder isn’t easy, but we sure are loveable.

Here are some ideas that may help when the one you love is living with bipolar disorder:

1. A long tight hug will get so much farther than any words.

When your partner is agitated or emotional, no words that you say will make them better. If you use words, it will be very easy for your partner to misunderstand or feel threatened and become more agitated.

Your partner needs to regulate themselves. The way you can help is by taking them in your arms and giving them a tight long hug. As you are hugging them, focus on breathing deeply and encourage them to join you. You will feel the muscles in your partner’s body relax. Their heart rate will slow down. Lastly, they should experience calmness and because they are in the arms of someone who loves them, they should feel safe.

Now your partner is ready to talk.

2. An imaginary remote control that has a pause and rewind button.

We express ourselves without thinking. Every emotion we have or imagine in our minds easily escapes our mouths.

When your partner is having difficulty with this challenge it can easily and probably will lead to conflict in a relationship.

If you expect your partner to be able to not impulsively express themselves, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Instead, expect your partner to speak before they think and give them a gift of a remote control.

To use this imaginary remote control all your partner has to do is say “PAUSE”, just as they are getting themselves into trouble with their words. If it’s too late and their words have already caused trouble, all they have to do is say “REWIND” and then take a moment to pause and correct their mistake by actually thinking before speaking.

If you are kind enough to give your partner one of these special remotes, you get one too!

3. Your partner needs to take responsibility for how they live with Bipolar Disorder, NOT YOU.

If your partner is making their bipolar disorder your responsibility to manage and you accept the responsibility, you are enabling them to practice behaviors that will only do more harm than good. It may feel like you are helping them, but you are not.

Your partner living with bipolar disorder needs to be responsible for educating themselves about the disorder, taking their medication consistently, being in therapy, making the sacrifices they need to make in order to be stable and doing the best they can to reduce harm to themselves and you by preventing episodes if possible.

If your partner is releasing their emotions on you and it is hurting you, it is NOT okay. Your partner can learn how to release and contain their own emotions through other vehicles, for instance therapy. It is your responsibility to let your partner know that impulsive release of emotion hurts you. It is your partner’s responsibility to learn how to channel their emotion in a way that is safe for the both of you.

Because your partner is living with bipolar disorder, they may not be able to contain their emotions consistently everyday. However, they can improve and do better. There is no excuse for not trying their best to contain their emotions using other vehicles and tools that I will share in an upcoming blog.

4. Do NOT get on the emotional roller coaster with your partner.

Your partner is living with bipolar disorder. This means that they are going to roller coaster from positive to negative to positive etc emotions. DON’T GET ON THE ROLLER COASTER WITH THEM.

If you accept your partner to do this and are not affected by it you can have a good day and not be hurt and think you are going insane. However, if you get on this roller coaster with your partner, both of you will be nuts. Nothing good will come out of it.

Don’t try to make sense of the emotional roller coasters, instead you can simply hug your partner. Your partner will work their way off of the roller coaster eventually. The emotional roller coaster is simply a ride of emotions that your partner is feeling that may or may not have anything to do with their current experience.

Another action you can take that may help your partner gain awareness are the words “STOP IT.” or “Stop it, you are roller-coastering.” When said in a loving and caring way, versus an angry way, these words will bring someone into a different kind of awareness that takes them outside of their emotional process and into a reflective thinking process.

5. The Gift of Forgiveness & Acceptance

When you love someone with bipolar disorder they are going to do and say things that they will need you to forgive them and accept them for.

This does not mean that hurtful actions are okay, but it means that when they do happen, after you talk about it with your partner…the greatest gift you can give them is to let them know that you still love them, accept them, and forgive them and know that they are doing their best.

Receiving the gift of forgiveness and acceptance, opens the door for your partner to be able to forgive and accept you more freely and easily. It gives you permission to make mistakes and enjoy your gift of the imaginary remote control.

By taking these actions with your partner, your partner may be able to better return the love that you so deserve.